I will stalk you... why I'm probably banned from Scoutmob

Before I get to stalking, let's have a New York City update. Still blown away at the amount of bars (I mean restaurants... hey dad) within walking distance here. Not driving anywhere is AWESOME. This past weekend @Jvanner1, @MeghanButler, Caroline, Ellie (or Allie.. I need to get better at clarifying names given my distinct lack of friends) and I participated in the New York City Beerathon. Based loosely on the NYC Marathon, essentially it is trick-or-treating for beers. You presumably pay the fee (I was able to befriend the founder and have these fees waived. Some things travel with you, like my ability to get out of paying for most things) then are given a name tag with 26 different bars listed on it throughout the East and West Village. You and your group travel around and try to hit every bar, where a different beer awaits you, and a bartender to punch a hole in the tag. Specific details of this day into night drinking extravaganza aren't important, but I believe the pictures speak for themselves.

The finale. Woof. Luckily I don't get hungover so Sunday was a breeze, but @Jvanner1 almost died. My sympathies. If you're reading this, next time we go out if you do croak the next day, I would like your tall brown boots I was wearing that day. Thanks, you're a doll.

Now, on to stalking and how now matter how hard you try it often gets you nowhere. But that is no reason to give up hope. As many of you know, I love TV. An absurd amount. But I really only like funny TV because it is really all that I can appreciate, mostly because I think I am hilarious and also belong on funny TV. However, I'm not entirely sure how you go about making this happen, as I am not entirely sure how you even go about getting a real job. My current occupation sort of fell in my lap and I haven't had a lot of luck since then (if you're reading this BCA, I love you, I will never leave!) Last spring I learned with much dismay that an excellent way to not get a job OR an interview is by stalking the company. Yes, @Scoutmob, I am talking to you. Still.

@Scoutmob is a backwards kind of discount site in which instead of you paying ahead of time for the discounted item, you receive a text for the discount and then can use it at the store/restaurant/salon, etc. whenever you see fit. I fell in love with @Scoutmob because of their witty and humorous writing style, their involvement in the community and that they genuinely seem to care about getting the word out about smaller businesses. Some of my favorite places to go to in Atlanta I found through @Scoutmob (helllooooo Victory Sandwich.) They were continuously hiring for a number of positions, each of which I saw myself to be a perfect match for. So I would apply, and wait. And wait another week. And continue to read the site and pine after my dream jobs. And then I would apply again. The applications became a lot more frequent. Sometimes I would change little things in my resume or cover letter to better demonstrate that I was exactly what they were looking for. Other times I would come home and have a glass of wine or two and write a brand new cover letter, which ultimately made me sound ridiculous as I often made references to my Facebook alter ego, Grant Gibbs' Chest Hair, and what a comedic genius I was for creating it. I found any kind of e-mail address that I could related to @Scoutmob and e-mailed them. Everything you can think of.

One day they wrote an article that covers a great guy and cause in Atlanta, @blakecanterbury and @beremedy. He started a company that uses social media to help obtain things for less fortunate people throughout Atlanta. I followed him on Twitter and saw that he, along with the rest of @Scoutmob, would be dining at Wisteria in Inman Park that night and that fans/followers were welcomed to join. It was my moment. I dragged @cmdemichele to Wisteria where we sat at the bar and I scoured the whole restaurant for their table and she tried to talk me out bombarding them. After I had some red wine coursing through my veins I found the the necessary courage to finally go talk to them, while @cmdemichele maintained her dignity and left. I approached the table and the conversation went something like this:

Me: HI! I know who you are I read about you on @Scoutmob today.
Blake: Oh that's great! What do you-
Me (to the man on his left): And I know who you are. You work for @Scoutmob. I apply to you guys every single day. Sometimes more than once. And I've never heard back A SINGLE THING.
Scoutmob man: Oh, you...
Me: Oh, have you heard of me? Not surprising. I send a LOT of applications in, and sometimes I drink before so they say some crazy stuff.. but all I'm asking for is an interview! I am PERFECT for the job. Any of the jobs. And I'll move anywhere!
Scoutmob man: Ok, well we're hiring in-
Me: I know. DC, Nashville, Austin, Portland, San Francisco, Seattle, New York. I'll move anywhere. Even Seattle.
At this point the entire table was staring me. Some looked enthralled, some looked frightened.
Scoutmob man: Well here, take my card and send me an e-mail and I'll see what I can set up.

I have never coveted a business card so much in my life. Sure, it wasn't bone with a watermark, it was better. Vintage feel to it, some real personality. I left dreaming of my perfect job. The next day I sent him an e-mail. A week later I sent him another one. And probably one more after that, implying that while I know that I may come off as "crazy," at least I was passionate about the business and my deep desire to work there was real. Never heard anything. I finally abandoned my cause and took the loss. "I always get what I want. If I don't, I change my mind." I tend to take this saying to heart, and now I have resulted to cyber-bullying @Scoutmob on Twitter whenever I get the chance. It may not be the most mature action, but it makes me feel better. That and this: Scoutmob man, I still have your business card, and I purposely left your name out, but because I am a nice person (aside from the cyber-bullying). And I am not entirely sure of how laws and and defamation of character and blogging work. Not that I have a ton of followers... YET. You are welcome.

Take this as a warning Tina Fey and SNL. I will find you.